Tuesday, November 20, 2012

to be liked.

I realized something the other day. And it's something that I'm not sure is "normal".

I want to be liked. Not just by most people but by everyone. I honestly cannot fathom the notion of anyone not liking me. I really can't. And I don't say or mean that in an arrogant, conceited way. I am being sincere. 

The thought of someone not liking me does not compute in my mind and actually upsets me. I constantly try to please everyone and not disappoint anyone because I think and feel that if I do "fall short" that they won't like me. 

I see myself as a nice, good person. Never mean. Never rude. Always honest, dependable, responsible, and competent. To be less than that, is not me - or at least my definition of myself.

I think I have been like this since birth. I have always wanted to please my parents - especially my mother. My mother is an amazing, strong, competent woman. But like me, she is very critical of both herself and others. From what I recall, she never outwardly presented herself as critical or judgmental, but I think I must have "felt" it. I never wanted to disappoint her - or anyone for that matter.

I wanted to be perfect. In many ways, I still do. I am working at accepting myself as I am - and trying to convince myself that I can't be perfect. I have to accept that it's okay to be "good enough". It's a hard thing to accept though and I'm not sure I believe it. 

At my core, I still strive to be perfect and to be liked - by everyone.

4 comments:

  1. I know a lot of people who worry about being liked as well...I don't think it's that abnormal by any means. =)

    For the record, I think you are pretty cool.

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  2. This post is really great. I feel similarly sometimes, and I wonder if it's almost human instinct to want to be liked, or if it's something that is learned. I do know some people who seem like they couldn't care less, but I sometimes wonder if deep down they have this desire to be loved by everyone.

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  3. You know... one of the 'benefits' of having a child with autism is that I learned to let go of all of that. It has made me more confident in myself, and able to just say 'oh well' and most of the time, I can laugh it off.
    I still do my best to be kind, generous, caring, and will go out of my way to do for others.
    Sort of my theory:
    http://pinterest.com/pin/248260998179468774/

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