I am busy. I am too busy. I wish I could just calm down and relax and do nothing - to detach from reality and relax on my sectional all day and just watch TV. But that is not my life.
Hayden and Harper went to the Lake this past weekend with my parents. You would think this would provide for a respite; however, Randy and I spent our kid-free Saturday cleaning the kids' rooms and playroom and sorting through all their toys. This massive toy clean up was very necessary, but it would have been awesome if I could have just done nothing all day.
Everyday, my life is filled with tasks and responsibilities - just like pretty much everyone else in the world. I go, go, go and do, do, do and sometimes it seems like at the end of the day I got nothing done.
With two small very active kids and numerous volunteer jobs, my life feels like a whirlwind.
I need and am desperately trying to slow down and breathe - to just relax. But I can't. It's like I don't have time to wind down. I look at my calendar and I am overwhelmed.
I sit and try to just "be" but I am bombarded by a lovely toddler who needs her mommy and rest is not in my reality. It's just not. At least not at this point in my life.
And honestly, a lot of it comes down to Harper who is as precious as she can be - but is incredibly active and needy. She is a fussier child than I remember Hayden being. She whines and cries quite a bit. All the "negative noise" takes it toll on me.
I am admittedly overly sensitive - and one thing I am overly sensitive to is noise. All the noise that goes on in my world often overwhelms me. The "negative noise" is definitely the worst, but even happy noises can be overwhelming - the screaming, yelling, and even general playful noises. Sometimes I just want to find peace and quiet - which is not easy.
I know I shouldn't complain. I know these vents are annoying and that I should just be grateful and keep my worries and troubles to myself.
I mean, many people are stay-at-home moms and parent their little ones with ease and little to no difficulty. Many people handle their jobs and responsibilities without complaint or distress.
Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me and why I can't do everything easily and not have it be so hard.
I think most of my "problems" come down to taking on too much and being a Perfectionist.
Regardless, I am trying to work on it. But trying to change my core being isn't easy. My mother told me that it's impossible (she is like me and was never able to "overcome" her Perfectionistic-tendencies and over-committing nature).
Maybe I just need to buck up and accept this reality and embrace it? Honestly, that's probably more realistic. I do think that not having the "negative noise" in my ear (literally) will help. Those sounds do not serve to put a smile on my face. Not at all.
My overall hope - for a more balanced life and being. Cheers to that. I'm optimistic.