I have been dealt with an exceptionally Perfectionistic disposition. Not only am I genetically wired to be a Perfectionist, but my environment growing up was also was Perfectionistic-driven. My mother is a major Perfectionist - just like me. Like mother, like daughter.
As an adult, I am extremely critical of myself and others. I judge both myself and others. I am harsh on both myself and others. It's not pretty.
It's really hard to be Perfect. In fact, it isn't possible. I have had to come to accept that it's okay to be good enough. And sometimes I have a REALLY hard time accepting that. Honestly, sometimes I can't accept that. I know my expectations are unrealistic, yet I still try to make them happen.
For instance, I HAVE TO return emails I receive by the end of the day that I receive them - I strive to reply to them as soon I receive them. I am overly efficient. That is also a problem. I try extremely hard to be Perfect, and set myself up to fail.
And that is where my 'f' word comes in. When I don't accomplish something or when I feel like I'm not good enough, I think I failed and that I am a failure. When someone else doesn't "succeed" at something, I think that they have failed and label them a failure. I have done that to Randy, but not the kids.
I know it's not a good thing. I shouldn't be so harsh on myself or others. It is something I am working on. I do not want my kids to be like me (in this way). It's self-defeating. I DO want them to try hard and do their best, but I don't want them to feel compelled to ALWAYS be perfect. It's just not realistic.
Feeling like a failure just doesn't feel good. And that's not to say I always feel that way or that I feel that way about everything. It's about isolated issues/events. Some examples include: Feeling like I failed at getting Harper down for her nap, that I failed to remember to get the kids to draw pictures for their dad for Father's Day, that I failed to make dinner for my family (I am never able to make dinner for my family).
I need to be nicer to myself and not so critical. I need to have realistic expectations of myself and others. I'm working on it.
Wish me luck.
Wish me luck.
I'm somewhat of a perfectionist myself...so I understand completely. I never want to fail at anything, and I always want to go over & beyond what I'm asked to do. I can't stand to think that someone thinks something about me that isn't true. It absolutely makes me crazy. I want things done a certain way, in a certain routine, by a certain time...and when it doesn't happen, I get really upset. Most of the time, I just wish I was this carefree spirit who just went with the flow...but I'm not. I hope you can get your perfectionisms under control...just as I should.
ReplyDeleteFailure is hard for those whom not only expect the best from themselves, but are expected to be the best by those around them. I am also learning to stop applying the pressure on myself to be perfect (the perfect daughter, sister, wife, student).
ReplyDeleteIts hard and not many people understand how hard it is and how much energy it takes. This is something I am working on with my therapist. I know a lot of the pressure I have to be perfect comes from the super high expectations that my parents placed on me, especially because I am the only girl in a family of boys. Even with my mom's condition she still pressures me to be the best and I don't want to disappoint her. Part of my drive to be the best results in me being very critical as well of others, and that drives Will nuts and then I am told I am pessimistic about people. Can't please everyone I guess...which is something I would try to do before...ugh!
Its rough Melissa, I hope you feel better knowing you aren't the only one out there that is dealing with perfection and failure issues. If you ever want to get together and vent let me know!