Wednesday, July 28, 2010

in regards to baby #2.

Hayden is now 3.5-years-old. Before my husband, Randy, and I had children we envisioned ourselves having 2 kids, two years a part. Obviously that hasn't happened, and it isn't going to. And that is by choice. It isn't that we have been trying and have been unsuccessful. Trust me. We have not been trying.

The truth is that after having Hayden and actually experiencing motherhood, I realized I couldn't do it: have two little ones so close together in age. My disposition doesn't seem to fit with that family composition, at least from my point of view.

I decided that I needed more time. I needed Hayden to be older… and so we have waited. I feel like I am almost ready - getting close to the point in which we can begin trying for another baby.

My sweet husband is definitely ready - more than ready actually. He seems to be getting a bit uncomfortable with the obvious gap in age separation that will exist between Hayden and this theoretical “baby #2.”

And I admit that I too worry about the age gap that is inevitably going to exist between Hayden and his supposed sibling.

I also worry though that I won’t be able to handle being a mother to two children. I worry that we won’t have enough space. I worry that we won’t have enough money. I worry that I won’t have enough time or energy to parent two children. I worry that I won't remember how to parent an infant. I worry about how Hayden will adapt to having a sibling and having to share a room with a new addition.

I worry that I won’t even be able to get pregnant.

I just worry.

But at the end of the day, I know that everything will work out as it is intended. And for poor Randy’s sake, hopefully things will come to fruition soon.

25 comments:

  1. I think the worrying can sometimes get in the way of getting pregnant. Relax, let the stress go, and it will be alot easier. I've seen people who've gone through years of infertility and still be able to get pregnant. It will happen, and there's no need to worry. You are a natural mother.

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  2. I agree with Ian...you did the mothering thing once...and you didn't even have the experience! I think the mothering will kick in when needed and you will be fine. But it has to be right for both you & your hubby! And I've seen people who have large age gaps between their kids, on purpose, and it works out fine. You'll know when you are ready and I personally think you'll be a great mom of two! :)

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  3. I TOTALLY GET IT!!! We had our first 2 three and a half years a part and it was difficult but we had our middle 2 exactly two years a part and I have to say it is THE hardest thing ever!!!! It takes a very strong person to be able to gracefully handle having kids 2 years a part....especially boys. I say wait until you are ready.

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  4. After Hannah, I got tied and it was the best decision I've ever made. My girls are 5 years apart and I couldn't be more happier that it turned out this way. You'll be a wonderful mother to both your babies...life is good, so is god and whatever happens, happens for a reason(: here to chat anytime:) xoxo

    best of luck babe

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  5. As a mother of three, with the largest gap being 2 years apart, I have to say you'll be fine with an larger age gap. My children Nathan 5, Audrey 3, and Ava 1 are at ages now where they play and interact all together. The two that get along wonderfully are Nathan and Ava. He watches over her and protects her. He brags on her all the time. You can see the look of amazement in her eyes when she looks at him.

    Now that Ava is walking I am so sad that I will not be having any more. Hopefully this perspective will help you.

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  6. I never envisioned having my two girls 2 years and 25 days apart.. but now as Ayla is turning 1 and Keira is turning 3.. I absolutely LOVE seeing them together. It was hard adjusting to the first 6 or so months juggling two and in someways things are getting easier. One child constantly wants your attention.. but with having a sibling, it's like they have a friend for life. I love hearing the constant giggles in the backseat.

    Anywhoo, good luck with your decision on mommyhood! :)

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  7. Do not worry!!!!!!! You know how I feel about the age difference. It is the best thing ever!!!! You can totally reason with and explain things to an older child plus they aren't so needy as a little one would be.

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  8. I think when the time comes for you, you will do fantastic. Don't spend so much time stressing over it and worrying about a certain age of Hayden to bring another smiling baby into the world. I promise you no matter what age your children are and even after the others come there will still be moments when you will stop and wonder what the heck you got yourself into. It'll all work out.

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  9. My kids are 2.5 years apart. I was all for having my kids 2 years apart before I had my first. Then I was scared. We talked about it and decided that we would wait another year before we "tried". Well...turned out I was already pregnant. oops. I was scared out of my mind. I wasnt ready to have another! How could I give my first the love and attention she needed? How could I love another as much as I love her? I freaked for a few good weeks. Then well...I relaxed and it all worked out.
    I am not going to lie, taking care of 2 is a lot more work then 1. And those of you who have more then 2-your so brave.

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  10. Thanks for sharing your fears. I worry all the time about everything. If you decided on a #2 - I can't wait to read the pregnant posts.

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  11. Love this. Honest.

    My baby girl is 4 days old. My son is 10 1/2 years old.

    Ideal? Nope.
    I just call it life and embrace it.

    Everything for a reason...

    Good luck!
    xoxox

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  12. I'm so with you on this stuff. I worry about all those things, too....well most of them. Money, space, time, ability to parent 2....yeah, I'm there. I think some women are just gifted with the patience and ability to parent a couple, a few, or several small children. I am not that person. Ethan is going to have to get a little older.....the gap worries me, too, because I felt the same way....2 kids 2 years apart.

    But that's how it's going to have to be, and when they get to be adults, it won't really matter.

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  13. I hope you know that those worries are normal!! We also thought we would have two - two years apart. I had a difficult pregnancy, and my son, though I love him to pieces, was a difficult baby. We kept waiting. Then he turned four and became the easiest kid around. And we decided not to go back. That was our decision, and it worked for us. It may not work for anyone else. Whatever is going to work for you will work itself out. I've seen the bigger age gaps work incredibly well for families. It'll all be good, no matter what!

    ***Ally

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  14. Ian is totally right. You are a great mother and you will do so well with one more. I remember worrying when I was expecting my second (and third) and you know what? Once they're there, it's like they always were. Adapting comes so naturally. Good luck girl!

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  15. I don't think you ever have to worry about the age separation at all. You are doing what feels best for you at this point and I know it will work out just fine.

    Heck I'm 16 years older than my oldest brother and we still have a fantastic bond. :)

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  16. You're gonna be great. Whatever happens, it'll happen for the best. I wish nothing but the best for you!!

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  17. We waited a while and then couldn't get preggo when we tried for our second! Ended up having to go the IVF route and had triplets. Then I was up to my ears in kids and way over my head in what I could handle and got a surprise number 5 pregnancy.

    I guess my point is life is what happens when you are busy making plans!!! And yeah, it tends to workout---one way or the other. Maybe not how we invisioned..good or bad.

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  18. It just has a way of working out. All those pieces will fall into place when it happens.

    I'm a worrier too, btw.

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  19. I can relate to you on this...my husband and I have been discussing baby #3 for the past year and a half. Seems like if we would have spent less time thinking and more getting busy, we could have had a baby by now :)

    Good luck to you and Randy, I will be thinking of you!

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  20. Good luck! I think it's great that you are taking this decision so seriously. So many children are born in uncertain circumstances. No matter when you have a second child you can trust in yourselves that it will be born into a loving, wonderful family.

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  21. As for the age difference, it won't matter in the long run...trust me. I am technically an only child but my mom remarried and I have 3 "half" siblings. We are 6,7 & 11 years apart and closer than ever. Granted, I was married and gone before they were but we're still very close! :) Good for you for being thoughtful about planning your family but I agree with Ian, don't over think it, it can cause "fertility" problems ;)

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  22. The age difference means nothing. Have a baby if and when you are comfortable with it. That's all that really matters -- that mama and daddy are on the same page.

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  23. These are all such legitimate concerns that many of us as moms have. You are not alone! Although, I think once things do happen, everything just falls into place. Just do it when YOU'RE ready, since you're the one who will be housing this bambino for 9 months!!

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  24. Only you know what you can handle and when and if you are ready. If we wanted only two children or if I was younger we would have definitely waited to get pregnant with the second one, but such is life and we just make the best out of what we are given. People ask me if I am ready to have two under two :-) Can you really ever be ready? You never know until it happens, but 4, 5 and even 6 years difference seems perfect to me.
    Best of luck for when and if you are ready :-)

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  25. I love your honesty in this post. Every family is unique. When you are ready, a sibling will be a gift you can give to your son like no other.

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