Hayden is now 3.5-years-old. Before my husband, Randy, and I had children we envisioned ourselves having 2 kids, two years a part. Obviously that hasn't happened, and it isn't going to. And that is by choice. It isn't that we have been trying and have been unsuccessful. Trust me. We have not been trying.
The truth is that after having Hayden and actually experiencing motherhood, I realized I couldn't do it: have two little ones so close together in age. My disposition doesn't seem to fit with that family composition, at least from my point of view.
I decided that I needed more time. I needed Hayden to be older… and so we have waited. I feel like I am almost ready - getting close to the point in which we can begin trying for another baby.
My sweet husband is definitely ready - more than ready actually. He seems to be getting a bit uncomfortable with the obvious gap in age separation that will exist between Hayden and this theoretical “baby #2.”
And I admit that I too worry about the age gap that is inevitably going to exist between Hayden and his supposed sibling.
I also worry though that I won’t be able to handle being a mother to two children. I worry that we won’t have enough space. I worry that we won’t have enough money. I worry that I won’t have enough time or energy to parent two children. I worry that I won't remember how to parent an infant. I worry about how Hayden will adapt to having a sibling and having to share a room with a new addition.
I worry that I won’t even be able to get pregnant.
I just worry.
But at the end of the day, I know that everything will work out as it is intended. And for poor Randy’s sake, hopefully things will come to fruition soon.