If I could travel back in time, I would go back to July 8th, 1988. That is the day my granddaddy passed away - he was 60-years-old.
I was almost 7-years-old when died.
My granddaddy had been a wonderful source of happiness in my life. He had loved me so much, and when he suddenly passed away from a massive heart attack, I was traumatized. I vaguely remember aspects of the funeral and driving to the farmhouse to visit with family, but I was numb (my granddaddy had passed away at the “family farmhouse”). I was in shock.
Recalling those memories, I see myself from above. It’s as if I dissociated – which I very well may have done.
My mother has told me that I had an extremely hard time coping with his death. I can’t remember my granddaddy (I have essentially blocked out all aspects of him in my mind); however, whenever I think about him I almost start to cry. The emotions are extreme.
To this day, I don’t cope well with death or loss. I can’t even think about it. The thoughts and feelings associated with death and dying overwhelm me.
So if I could travel back in time, I would travel back to that summer and comfort myself. I would hold “little Melissa’s” hand, hug her, comfort her, and let her know that it will be okay. I would support her and be there for her.
9.24.1927 - 7.8.1988